Closing the chapter...Solace Fades....

Terminus



<< Please play the Song of the Post before reading


As I begin writing down a new chapter in my life, I slowly ink away the final days of a 6-year experience that molded my own individuality in the face of this earth. A chapter filled with wonderful, memorable and mournful things. I stop and look back at the one thing that kept me going. A reason that took my soul to the brink of Insanity and Happiness.



As I recount every second, minute, hour days and years I cant help but be thankful for it had happened. I thank thee for the first message. I thank thee for the first meeting and our first kiss. I thank thee for the confidence you gave me. Thank you for the love we’ve shared. I thank thee for all the fights and arguments that made our relationship colorful. I thank thee for the perpetual bliss that we shared. I thank thee for the laughter and smiles we both shared. The Breakfast, lunches and dinners that we both feasted on. The Birthdays, Christmas, New years and funerals we both celebrated. The Monsthsaries, Anniversaries. The unforgettable second meeting and the romantic night after your graduation.


All of these things helped mold the present us. We may go our separate ways and It may be hard walking these path with new hands and feet joining us. But life goes a round circle and may our feet bring us back again. Friends, lovers, enemies? We wont know. But one things for sure, I’m keeping you in a place worth knowing and easily not remembering for some time.
As I slowly finish the last pages of this chapter I remove all my vows and promises given to yo, and let ourselves be equals. I wont push fate’s wheels against its will, but I would certainly make sure I am ready to handle unexpected things. Now as I turn the last page of our lives I leave one page blank. We wont know when will my second book begin. A familiar hand may start the first verse or somebody new. AS for me I’ll turn the pages for them and let another wonderful story be written.


Life aint fair but the pains and sadness forever makes us stronger and love more tender. We become better persons, wounded but togher. In the end the tables of fate would lay down new horizons and new chapters in life would give us a chance to be a new character or an old player in life's unending game!

Farewell for now dear Ghost. Things may have changed, but our would never fade. Saya Cinta Amu!
Sayonara

One More Time let me play the song you thought me how to love. It may not served it's meaning, but it did worked for me, for I have wished it would have been the one I'll be singing my entire life.


"Spend My Life With You"

Eric Benet(feat. Tamia)

I

I never knew such a day could come


And I never knew such a love


Could be inside of one


And I never knew what my life was for


But now that you're here I know for sure


I never knew till I looked in your eyes


I was incomplete till the day you walked into my life


And I never knew that my heart could feel


So precious and pure


One love so real



Chorus


Can I just see you every morning when


I open my eyes


Can I just feel your heart beating beside me


Every night


Can we just feel this way together


Till the end of all time


Can I just spend my life with you



II


Now baby the days and the weeks


And the years will roll by


But nothing will change the love inside


Of you and I


And baby I'll never find any wordsThat could explain


Just how much my heart my life


My soul you've changed



Chorus II


Can you run to these open arms


When no one else understands


Can we tell God and the whole world


I'm your woman, and you're my man


Can't you just feel how much I love you


With one touch of my hand


Can I just spend my life with you



Coda:


No touch has ever felt so wonderful(You are incredible)


And a deeper love


I've never known(I'll never let you go)


I swear this love is true(Now and forever to you)


(only for you)To you



Chorus III


Can I just see you every morning whenI open my eyes


Can I just feel your heart beating beside me


Every night


Can we just feel this way together Till the end of all time


Can I just spend my life with you


Can you run to these open arms


When no one else understands


Can we tell God and the whole world


You're my woman, and you're my man


Can't you just feel how much I love you


With one touch of my hand


Can I just spend my life with you


Can I just spend my life with you


Can I just spend my life with you


(Forever here with you)


Can I just spend my life with you


Can I just see you every morning when


I Open my eyes



Dancing my love away...

Terminus


I remember a very nice line from the movie “Shall We Dance”. I still recall the first time I’ve seen the movie. It was early February this year while I was celebrating someone’s birthday over at “TGI-Fridays”. It was with someone really special and I really did not pay any attention. Earlier tonight I managed to watch the movie in full and I felt a pinch when I heard Richard Geres’s response to Susan Sarandon’s question “Why did you keep this from me” (Taking In Balroom Dancing Lessons )? Then he replied with “I am ashamed of telling you that I am doing something to make me happy, when I have all the “Happiness” in the world with you”.

Yes I was also victim of the same crime. I was so much happy with what I had before, and still I looked for something that I thought would make me happier. I had all the extra time and capability of giving that happiness to that special someone. I don’t know, I kind of felt sad in a way coz I only have 6 more days to go for that “SIGN” to come. Things are rather complicated if there is only one person willing to give something a shot. Would I regret my decisions? No one knows, but then again somehow a part of me still clings or, something still wish for something that another person is not willing to go through.

It’s a constant “tug of war” of both emotions and mental stability. Things are better when they are a bit complicated. Sigh! Well I’ll just let the days go by. Whatever happens in the last 6 days might as well be the best for both of us. Pain causes separation but something deeper makes the feeling stronger.

So guys and gals if ever you have excess happiness or energy to make someone happy, don’t look somewhere else, the person who deserves it is just right beside you. Loving you and considers you the best individual in the world!

Now I leave you with the song I don’t want to fall in Love by Tonya Mitchell- Hmmm…kinda got stuck in my head after listening to it while on my way to work


I don’t want to fall in Love
by Tonya Mitchell

Who needs to feel that way

Who needs those words to say

Who wants to give their heart

To watch love fade away

Cause I made up my mind

I didn't want to know

Why should I find the love that isn't here to stay

I wasn't waiting

Until you came alone

And now I need you

To tell me where my heart belongs


Chorus:

But I don't want to fall in love'

Till I fall in love with you

And you showed me what my heart already knew

I don't want to fall in love'

Till I know the love is true'

Cause I need

You to feel the way I do

When I give my heart to you


I've seen the tears they cry

When it's time for goodbye

I didn't want to be the onewho's asking why

I didn't think that I would ever feel so strong

But now I know that I was wrong


Chorus

Now I believe it's worth a chance

To find the love to last

For all my life

Give me a sign So I Will always know this love is right

This love is right

Ohhh


Chorus repeated until end

Departure 2-Exile

Terminus




Hello it’s me again. Man I really had a hell of a week (Sure, it was hell!) Ok during may last post I was talking about saying goodbye and dramatic retreat from all of those "Getting Over Blues". Well was I wrong? Slight. Yes I ate some of my words but please let me explain.



I met with the ghost some other time again (whoever is reading this I don’t care about you fool!). It was nice coz in the end I still miss and care for the ghost, even if she has a "walking X-ray partner". Divisoria is a very memorable place for us and I’m happy that I was able to go there and shop again for myself (not for her...err maybe a little). No tension, no animosity that’s how a day should be at least for two people who had a very colorful past. I was never pushy and sentimental that time. Everything went smoothly. A friendly walk and talk and that really made my day. Screw the on-going afternoon heat and the stinky sweaty bodies you bumped with along the 168 and DV Mall. What’s important is that I was haunted again. Traditional Coffee and Chicken finished the day up, and nothing beats two packs of Dunhill lights to wade the day away. Romantic? Nah. It was a "friendly" date. Hmmm.is it. Nah just kidding you guys.

Well so much for it. Am I over her...almost or....heheheh keep on reading on future posts. Well financially I am kind of drained right now. Hopefully come January and February everything’s going to pick up again. Sigh I really got to save. One more thing, yes I do have a girlfriend but to honestly tell you guys it's not the same as before. Well for starters I started having shorter sleeping hours and lots and lots of petty arguments. Its not as if I cant manage it, its just that nothing still sweeps me off my feet. Yes I do care for her (I hope love comes in next). Call me stupid but I still cant determine which is which. Siguro mahirap lang talagang tapatan ang ibang bagay (Di ba Skeletor"). Yah she's pretty and everything, but that "magic" something aunt that visible right now. I still have 15 more days to go and If it pushes through then I’m bound. But if within 15 days nothing sparks up then I know whom God really wants for me. Sigh no more details. I’m secured emotionally right now, and everything may not be as smooth as I want them to be, but I’m managing everything one problem at a time.

Now people ask me If I am still mad at "skeletor". Hmm a bit. I hope she treats Cory better (Yeah alam kong mabait siya, pero Damn shed some effort naman and do something special. Talk fool, wag kang tahimik at tango lang ng tango. Kaya nga may away para maayos ang lahat. Buwiset! (Sorry Composure na ito!). Now gusto ko pa rin siyang makasuntukan as In walang iwas take everything na kakayanin mo. kaya nga ako nagbubuhat at nagpapa bawas ng timbang. Hehehe. Cant wait for that day na mangyari yun. Its more of testicular fortitude than revenge. Hoy balik mo Blog ‘
ulol!

Well that’s it for that other side. Well back on lighter things. Work is getting easier and easier, and I hope come February I could nail the TSR 2 Promotion. That would really help a lot. An impending re-shuffling kind of concerns me but I hope that I still stay with Vince or at least Shift Armstrong (We love you SOIC CHA). I have nothing against the other teams or shifts but hey they are our bread and butter. The team's kind of struggling right now, but hey were getting there. I would like to finally reward myself with something that I’ve really earned skill wise. And hopefully I could reward myself with a nice Nokia-N91 Music Edition phone come Feb. Were! But na lang di ako programmer (joke). heheh!

Ehem! One more thing, I’ve noticed that there is a big influx of really cute and pretty ladies from the last 2 waves. Here a lot of my floor mates are having the time of their lives just by looking and trying to talk with these little sisters of mine (akala nyo poporma ako no?...uhm.... hello there). Some noticeable names are Marichu, Tanya, Janey. Lych, Rexie (Winona Ryde of the Floor), Mel (My Big Sister) and of course Dolly. Well just a compliment to these ladies for really lighting up the floor with your charms and beauty.

At it's almost three and I have to go. Damn my moms going to kill me for going home late again (Buwiset kasi yang sweldong yan delayed). Well overall I just wanna thank "Cars' and" Cai: for being my new blog buddies here. Please feel free to visit my "Friends'" blogs by clicking on the links on the right. Now I leave you this wonderful song from U-TURN entitled "Hurting Inside". I chose this song coz I love singing this with the most beloved girl in my life....awoooooo! Hehe! Bato bato sa langit ang tamaan basag ang buto!

HURTING INSIDE

by U-TURN


There are moments

That I feel I just can't go on

Wishing that you were here

Oh how I wish

You holding me close to you

Wispering those words

I love you (I love you)

REFRAIN:

But baby you're not there

Like you were before

No words of love to hear

Can't smile anymore

Is it finally over

I can't wait any longer

Do you ever think of me

Coz baby can't you see

CHORUS:

That I'm hurting inside

All the tears I can't hide

Life is never easy

without you baby

I want you to know

that I'm hurting inside

The pain is deep inside (I can't mend it)

Wishing you would come to ease the pain

In my heart

Coz lovin' you just hurts deep inside

Empty moments

They just fill every part of me

Since you've been away from me

Give me a chance to say how much I care

Hold me close to you and let me through

REFRAIN:

CHORUS:

Always Here Never Gone!




Departure.

Terminus

P.S. (I wont apologize for saying all the things in detail here). It’s the reality, and everyone should stand for the truth.

I was about to finish my last cigarette, when I realized what a fool I’ve been. Things were nice yet the true meaning doesn’t depict the anomalies lying underneath this smile. I may have a hard time doing this, but I am willing to make my way through this ordeal. It may take a lot of effort and emotional fortitude before I finally get myself out of this situation, but then again I must.

I was glad when I was given the chance to be with the ghost for a couple of times this past two months. I t was like a dream come true. I told myself “hey, this is what I want and I’m happy that it turned out this way. My days were thrown in turmoil. Dazed and confused I searched for answers, but all it gave me was more questions. Yes I was in-love, but the more that I yearn for something in return, eats more of my sanity, than preserving it. I then took upon myself to completely break of this so-called make believe thing.

It was a very nice day when I met up with her. We had a very nice dinner over at Temple Bar and finished the day off with the old fashioned Starbucks coffee. During the course of our conversation, I could feel the animosity and coldness of her words (but I wasn’t mad). Then I finally realized that maybe I should start living my life a little bit outside of her shadow. I never thought that I would be able to utter the words “I’m Going to Stop Now”, but I did. I am not hoping. I am no longer reaching for that elusive “love “ that kept me going.

I am now by myself. Alone but not lonely. I won’t be waiting, but I’m always ready. IF she comes back then good, if not then so be it. It was hard, but it’s the correct thing to do. I just want to promise you Corazon De Guia, that I am always here never gone, but this time you may have to look or call out for me. I wont turn my back on you. I’m simply going opposite your way. You said that you’re happy, then so be it. That’s all I want to hear. I’ll let you and your boyfriend find your own way of happiness. I don’t know how he handles your relationship, but I guess everyone knows how I treat you. I wont comment on how much effort his giving. I’ll just look away and let you grow. I know your capable of handling the relationship so I know there won’t be any problems with you.

Now I can walk around with my head straight. Lonely but no longer sad. I won’t wait, but I’ll always be ready. Your always welcome you know that. I am no longer frustrated or insecure with him. I know what is capable of for you, and I no longer have to compare. I’m satisfied with what reality has. Go your way, I’ll go mine. The world is round, so go straight and we may find each other again. I am the ghost not you.

Corazon de Guia, I never loved anyone more than I loved you. And no one, not even the man beside you could tell me that he loves you more than I do. I’ll give away my pride and everything just to make you happy, but I would wait for the right time to do that!


Remember boy, make my girl cry and you’ll die and pay dearly for it.


Be a man; give her the care that she needs.


Love alone cant keep you together.


She’s not a regular woman; so don’t be regular on her.


Still no sakura or cherry blossoms around me. It would always be autumn or winter. I’m always here never gone. What mine is always yours, and what I do is for you. You are my life, no matter how you treat me. Be cold as the snow, but my love and care for you will burn even brighter.

Saya Cinta Amu Cory-You truly deserve this line. For no one could make me love. The way that you do.

Been thinkin' of you


Like I always do my love


These tears I cry


Cause the day that I feared


Is finally here, my love


And I don't know why


Refrain:


You no longer see


Your tomorrow with me


Now we could never be... So...


Chorus:


You go your way


And I'll go my way


You know I can never


Force you to stay


You won't be mine


You made up your mind


So just keep on going


And don't look behind



I'll always hold dear


The times you We're here with me


And I won't forget


All the dreams that we shared


And how much you cared for me


I've no regrets..



Refrain 2:


Though now all I have Are long lonely nights


Cause you've already said goodbye


(Chorus)



Bridge:


I love you With all my heart and soul


And I never thought We'd ever fall


I know...you know You know just where you belong...


Here with me, here with me


(Chorus)


Cause you don't wanna see me


Down on my knees


I'll be kissing my dreams away


Now all I can do Is let go of you


And pray that you'll


Come back to me someday




To be continued...